Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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