i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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