Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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