I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
