***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
