After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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