I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
