Where did you get a picture of my penis
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
