I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
