We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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