im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex on a roof
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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