I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is wine microwaveable?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
