I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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