I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
