I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
