I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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