Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
