when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
