You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
