I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
