The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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