A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
