Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
