Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
