drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
