all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
