Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
