i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
