I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
