i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
