Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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