i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
