so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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