Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
