too bad you live with your parents still
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
