Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
