quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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