After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
