I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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