Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
