I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
