So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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