What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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