Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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