I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
