all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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