I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
