If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
