the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
