My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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