hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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