He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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