i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
