It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
