dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
