her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
