God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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