im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
