I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
