she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
