some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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