Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
