wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
