Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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