Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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