how can u be prego again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
