Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
