If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
