so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
