what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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