maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
