Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
