You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have demons in me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
