i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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