sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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