Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
